


Brokenness Inside Me

by Point_of_no_return



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Canon Related, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everything will be fine stay with me, Hurt, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mentions of New York, Season 6 Related, Wedding Planning, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Point_of_no_return/pseuds/Point_of_no_return
Summary: Based on the recent spoiler photos and description, David has to navigate the idea of a marriage and not just a wedding.Patrick and David argue over a lot of the wedding details and it spills over into much bigger aspects of their pending marriage.There's so much for these two to work out, but if they can do it, they will see a rainbow on the other side.“ I am really unravelling here, David. At first we had disagreements over the flowers and I conceded to the roses because that will be our new name as a married couple and it eventually made sense to me.”“Well it was because Gerber Daisies need to all be plucked from the fields and burned in a fire.”“See, right there, you lose all sensitivity for something I like."“I think you have me confused with someone else.”"You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar, that's all I'm saying, David.""Yeah, I don't.  I don't know what that means."“Well, you know what David, maybe I do have you confused with someone else because I thought a wedding, or at least planning a wedding would come with a few compromises.”
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 36
Kudos: 39





	Brokenness Inside Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SCfangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SCfangirl/gifts).



> Not exactly sure where this came from, but a combination of listening to sad music and the season 6 Pop Spoiler was the inspiration. Also I had been trying to channel angst, and this has to be the most I have ever written. So, get ready for it, because it's coming in the first chapter. Oh, and I wrote this all last night, could not stop writing. What was meant to be 600 words turned to almost 10,000. 
> 
> All of these mistakes are my own. This is un-beta'd.
> 
> **Update: 07/19/2020, I am working on a schedule to get this updated. Working hard to get the next chapter out. Just have a lot going on, but I’m getting there!**

Autumn was always lovely in Schitt’s Creek and what could be lovelier than two fiance’s in love. At least that was the sentiment of the future husbands in the ‘penthouse’ of a plain brick apartment building.

They were six months away from the best day of their lives and the start to a future of endless possibilities.

Early on into their engagement, they made the commitment to each other that David would be in charge of the planning of the wedding and Patrick would be in charge of the honeymoon. This was all to ensure David wouldn’t pick the most expensive villa in Tuscany nor any potential upgrades on suites no matter how enticing the view. They had one rule with each other though, they made sure to listen and value any disagreements during the planning. If Patrick were to plan a Vegas honeymoon, David had the right to veto the trip within reason. Likewise, with any choices in planning their special day.

Within the first three months, David and Patrick had decided on the venue, style and filling of their cake, the flowers, and theme. Although David would argue with anyone, they made their choices mutually, it all came down to what David preferred.

Patrick looked at the invoice and his jaw nearly dropped when he saw they were going to spend, “Eight thousand dollars on flowers, David? Really? Why do we need these anyway? Peonies? I have heard of this flower, it’s rare. Can’t you find a cheaper flower than ten dollars a stem?!” Patrick was ready to pull his hair out.

“Patrick, we have been over this, we are not having those revolting Gerber daisies draped all over our nice wedding. It’s tacky. Also, they don’t drape. Peonies on the other hand are timeless and don’t look like a cheap way to say ‘Get Well Soon’ to a dying grandmother that the daisies do.”

David was right, they’re in every grocery store.

“I’ll have you know, David, that Gerber daisies were actually my grandmother’s favorite flower and we had dozens of them delivered to her on her 80th birthday.”

“Well, so much for taste.” David always could deliver a good insult, even at his fiancé's expense.

Patrick shot David a glare.

* * *

Tasting various cakes seemed like a second calling for David Rose. Much how wine connoisseurs check the legs, aroma, swish, fullness, and body of a particular wine, David was a connoisseur of all desserts, especially ones with icing and filling.

“Okay, David, obviously I am not going to win this battle, if you like the cake with the Bavarian Creme that’s fine, it just seems a little bland for our wedding. Can one of the tiers at least be raspberry filling? Or, or even Pineapple!”

“Ewuh! Pineapple, Ick!’” 

Patrick rolled his eyes.

David conceded. “Raspberry is fine, we’ll get it for the middle tier, but the Bavarian Creme is decadent and a classic. We are a classic couple with classic tastes. We are not pineapple filled.

“Okay David, but one more hour in this chair and I’ll be stuck to it.”

As it turned out, the bakery discontinued their raspberry filling, which came as a big disappointment to Patrick as Marcy loved raspberry. The future husbands knew, though, no wedding was planned without a few hiccups. Patrick took it in stride.

____________________

With the flowers chosen in the florist shop being of a particular pastel palette, slowly the idea of rich jewel tones Patrick had in mind was quickly fading, and even though he hadn’t used the privilege of a veto, David was on the brink of a conniption. Because to David Rose, everything had to be paired perfectly to the Mood Board Color Scheme or there was hell to pay.

“David, I just want you to be happy, so if you really want it to look like Rose Apothecary, with a sand and stone aire to it, I’ll support you. Just, please, let me have one thing. Just one that I can claim for this groom. Okay? This traditional groom."

David so wanted to make Patrick happy, but he cringed at the idea of having a Live (choke, cough, gag) band at their wedding. David knew how many friends and family would be there from out of state and hated the idea for any of their guests to run for the hills because of a hokey, local band.

“No, Patrick, it is incorrect. What if we hire someone and god forbid, they want to cover a Mariah Carey song? I’d have nightmares for years, Patrick. Nightmares. For. Years. I don’t think you will want to put up with me and my nightmares, you should have seen me as a six-year-old trying to manage Night Terrors. My sister could tell you horror stories.”

“David, you don’t think you’re being just a tad defensive and dramatic? It’s a band, who cares if its local? As a musician, I want to support local artists and it could be great. One day, maybe for our fifth or tenth anniversary, we could attend one of their concerts, wouldn’t that be romantic?”

“Hmm, yeah, that’s a hard pass. I doubt I will want to attend a concert of one of these. Oh my god, their names are awful. Just the worst. Have you seen the lists of band names?”

“Most band names are obscure, David, that’s what makes them catchy."

“Uh, okay. Uhm, I don’t think so? I’m looking at this one, ‘Jimmy Talkin’ Junk Yard Snakes,’ what the actual fuck is that? ‘ Shackled Beer-Gutted Raccoons’, ‘3 Sheets to the Wind Armed-Adillos’, ‘Clocked-Out Whack A Dogs’. Did Ellie Mae Clampett name these bands?! They're all named after god damned animals!”

Patrick chuckled. No one could describe moments of unnecessary and unscripted torture like David Rose.

“David, where on earth do you get these zingers?”

David glared at his phone while continuing to read more of the names. “Why can’t it be simple like ‘The Beatles’?"

“Actually David, if you’ve done your research, naming of ‘The Beatles’ is actually a joke in the music industry. They took the idea of naming themselves after an insect like 'The Crickets,' but changed the spelling for a pun on musical beats.”

“Uh huh, I stand corrected.” David said with a disinterested tone and folded his arms over his chest knowing how much he hated to compromise.

Patrick was given time to search out the different bands and it was convenient you could ‘shop’ online without having to meet with the bands personally or attending shows. Patrick found two he really liked and knew the music matched their relationship perfectly with their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s cover songs.”

“Until Tomorrow and the Rockmollys.”

“Uh, I don’t know what that means.” 

Patrick was making that fond look at David while crossing his arms, he loved putting him on the spot. “I am _oscillating_ between those two bands, so I have the tracks pulled up, take a listen, and then you let me know which one. We have to act fast, because these bands are popular, and they book up for events.”

David did the respectful thing and listened to the tracks. He loved the originality and classic rock style of _Until Tomorrow_ , but he dug the cover songs of the _Rockmollys_.

* * *

A few days had passed and Patrick was getting antsy.

“Okay, David, times up, I need to know what you’ve decided for the band. I’m anxious to think we have already lost The Rockmollys.”

David wrapped his arms around his fiance’s shoulders and Patrick instinctively closed his around David’s torso. “So, I am not one-hundred percent on board, with, uhm, with this.”

“With what? The band?”

“Right. The bands. Both bands. I couldn’t really decide. So, I was thinking of looking into DJs because there are some great ones in nearby towns.”

“David, we have been over this. I’m allowed to have a band, that’s the deal!”

“It’s only the deal unless I veto it.”

“Oh. How convenient that you can veto a choice of mine when I have never had the chance to veto any of yours.”

“Tell you what, after I look into these DJs and if they don’t fit the price range and aren’t exactly what we want, we will stick to a local band. Deal?”

Patrick looked into his deep dark brown eyes and all he wanted was to wrap him up in his love forever. David was learning more and more to make compromises, even if it was at a glacial pace.

“I love you so much, you know that, David Rose? I could marry you tomorrow.” Patrick wrapped his arms around him and kissed the spot under his ear.

“Yeah?” David replied, shivering happily in his arms.

“Yes.” Patrick said in his low voice, nuzzling himself into David's neck and kissing there a while, breathing David in.

“Y’know I really miss laughing with you," Patrick sighed into David's shoulder. "We haven’t done that in a while. We are so serious lately. Maybe we need a massage. I could call--”

“No, no massages, we need to save up for the wedding and honeymoon," David said as he cut him off and unraveled himself from Patrick's arms. "Maybe we can watch Bridget Jones’ Diary again. I always love a good Colin Firth movie and Rene Zellweger on a fireman’s pole always makes us laugh.”

“Hmm, should I be jealous of Mr. Firth?” Patrick was already walking towards the CD stand to pick out the movie that eased David's restless mind.

“That’s what you took from what I said?” David reached to Patrick's wrist and pulled him to the bed instead.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“He’s got nothing on my man,” David said with a husky voice, knowing how much his fiancé went wild when he heard it, and they got lost in the sheets a while.

* * *

**_Five Days Later_ **

David looked into 5 different DJs and interviewed them exclusively over Facebook messenger. Some included up-lighting in their packages, others didn’t. Some entertainment companies had the ability to provide old-time mics that were perfect for toasts and any dedications to the guests. Other companies were reception coordinators and that was especially handy for a 400-guest attendance. Patrick was always trying to get David to cut down down David's guest list to just those very important guests. Ultimately, though, all of the entertainment venues were too expensive and David had to pick a band.

“Patrick, I have chosen the Rockmollys. So, you can call them, or I can.” Not knowing how to fully read the room, Patrick had already been pacing back and forth, fully livid with David for dragging his feet.

“It’s too late.” Patrick said, heaving a long sigh.

“What? Why? How?” David looked incredulous.

“Like I said before, they book up fast. So, we lost our opportunity.”

“Oh, no, I’m so sorry Patrick. I didn’t know. I thought we had plenty of time. Is there anyone else we can call?”

“Not exactly. All the decent ones are booked,” Patrick said, looking through his emails from the bands he was interested in. "I should have just put the down-payment on the Rockmollys. That was my fault for not thinking this through," Patrick finished his thought and looked at David with sad eyes.   
  
Patrick became increasingly upset throughout the afternoon and David felt weird going home that night, so he stayed up late getting stoned with Stevie which was a temporary fix. The problem was still there, festering. Stevie tried to convince David that he needed to compromise with Patrick more and become more selfless in his decision making. David vowed to himself that he would try. 

The other decisions for wedding preparations weren’t so bad. David had to talk Patrick off of a cheesy ‘walk down the aisle’ song. Patrick wanted either ‘The Wedding March’ or ‘Ode To Joy’. When Patrick mentioned it, David didn’t say what happened, but he had vomited in his own mouth a little. “There will never be ‘Ode to Joy’ at any event I will endorse in my lifetime. Mark my words, Patrick.” At David's declaration, Patrick gave a heavy sigh knowing no matter what, he would always be defeated during these conversations.

Alexis, who was quite nestled in with Ted, had to take the Mood Board and the pins on Pinterest David sent her, and come up with a customized theme including furniture and low hanging bistro lights. All of which was taking place thousands of miles away. Even Alexis could tell from the Galapagos, there was trouble in paradise.

There were other wedding day items on the list David had won. Patrick always wanted to wait until the ceremony to see his fiancé’ on his wedding day while David wanted to do a ‘first look’, so because they were torn between two decisions, David pulled another veto and that’s when it all broke Patrick.

All in all, they were fantastic roommates; they had a domestic routine that was quite endearing and balanced each other out in the tiny apartment. They couldn’t explain it, but their arrangement was blissful.

Suddenly, as blissfully entangled in each other's arms as they had been, Patrick was back up on his feet, pacing. “ I am really unraveling here, David. At first we had disagreements over the flowers, and I conceded to the roses because that will be our new name as a married couple and it eventually made sense to me.”

“Well it was because Gerber Daisies need to all be plucked from the fields and burned in a fire.”

David was making a joke, but the humor had been sucked away in the cold night air.

“See, right there, you lose all sensitivity for something I like. Why can’t you say simply, ‘I know you like daisies, but I think roses would be better for the taste of our wedding.’”

“I think you have me confused with someone else," David replied, biting his bottom lip in annoyed amusement.  
  
Patrick continued pacing and it became more and more aggravated. "You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar, that's all I'm saying, David."

"Yeah, I don't. I don't know what that means."

Patrick took a pregnant pause attempting to gather as much inner strength not to yell in the moment. No matter what, he never wanted to lose his cool in such a way. “Well, you know what David, maybe I do have you confused with someone else because I thought a wedding, or at least planning a wedding would come with a few compromises.”

“I have compromised! You wanted to wait for us to see each other at the ceremony instead of a first look. I told you I would have anxiety about it, but then I compromised.”

Patrick nodded.

“Yes I remember it well. That was the night we were about to throw the kitchen sink at each other and only then did you finally agree to something that meant something to me.”

“Then there was the band, I told you we could use the band.”

“Yes! You did, but you told me after _both_ of the bands were taken for other events.”

“That’s not my fault," David said as he threw his hands up in the air in defense. 

“No, it isn’t, not completely, but if you had been a little more on board with letting us both choose this together, we could have had The Rockmollys.”

David gave a heavy sigh and let his head fall into his hands. “Oh my god! If you mention the Rockmollys again, I am seriously going to lose it." David put his head in his hands and then looked up at Patrick with tears in his eyes. He could see how torn Patrick was in the moment upon seeing David so distraught. "Okay, you know what, we are going to sleep on this and then we will talk it over tomorrow night.”

“I don’t know David," Patrick said, halting his movement. David was glad his fiancé stopped pacing and actually seemed to calm down. 

“No, we just need to kiss and make up tonight and then tomorrow we can talk it over some more. I will make a list on how I can compromise better, and you can make a list on whatever you think you should make a list for.”

Patrick sighed, god he loved this beautiful man, and David could see it.  
  
When they got home, he kissed David’s forehead and told him he loved him before they undressed and got into bed. Tomorrow would be another day. This night was full of part angry sex and make-up sex, cuddles, and sweet pillow talk.   
  


* * *

Things were tense at Patrick’s apartment and most mornings that would have been filled with lingering kisses and light back-scratching alarm clocks, but they were walking on egg shells with each other. Neither wanted to make one false move and set the other off.

David approached Patrick in the doorway of the bathroom and held his arm across his own chest to wrap his hand nervously around his other arm. His voice was small and barely above a whisper. “Patrick, are you really upset about the band? I could try to arrange for us to have a different one. I’m so sorry I let it fall through.”  
  
Patrick finished up his morning routine with David's arm around him. When he was done, he turned in David's embrace and kissed David’s soft temple. “Don’t worry about it. I am sure the DJ will be great. We can look into that this week if you’d like. We could pick out a nice one.”  
  
He moved a stray hair that hadn't been properly coiffed atop David's head, probably because David was nervous about the details of the wedding to give his hair a proper fix. David nodded his head in agreement and smiled a little. “We can do that whenever you’d like.”

* * *

David and Patrick were tending to their duties at Rose Apothecary that morning as usual, enjoying the jazz music playing around them. Later on, David bought their lunch and had taken it to the back for them to eat when a customer came in looking for the Organic Apricot Baby Food. The woman, who although put-together and fashion forward, had a fussy baby with her in the store. Patrick was checking the inventory with the figures on his clipboard and making notes while somewhat listening to their conversation. Not to eaves-drop necessarily, but he loved the soothing sound of David's voice over a crying infant.

“So, since you have a little one," David started to say, "perhaps you would be interested in our Ergonomic baby bottles. They come with complimentary liners and it looks like your bottles might use an upgrade.” It was always impressive to Patrick that David could up-sell so well and he knew by the way she listened so intently to David’s advice she would get the bottles he suggested. “Not sure when you’ll be back, but we will have more baby and toddler items in the next few weeks. We try to get the best locally, but not overly charge for quality.”

“You’re so knowledgeable with this stuff and I feel like I’m still learning. You must have children of your own,” the woman said while lightly rocking her child in her arms.

“Oh no, I don’t. I mean I like to know everything about the products we sell here and my fiancé and I do a lot of research. We own this store together,” gesturing to Patrick who was stocking the Eucalyptus eye serum. 

“Oh, _fiancé_ , well congratulations.”

“Thank you. That’s very kind.”

“Well I’m sure when you have children of your own, you’ll know what to buy them. I take each day at a time.”

“Ah, well, if my thinking ever changes on that matter, I bet I will.”

“Oh, what do you mean?” she bounced her child a little as he became slightly fussy.

Patrick wanted to know the same thing.

“Well, we probably won’t adopt or have a surrogate. The whole process is messy, but we will make great uncles one day to my sister’s kids.” For some uncanny reason David decided to tell a stranger they weren’t going to adopt, and the conversation made Patrick’s blood start to boil.

“Probably for the best then. Your life changes so much when you have kids and you hardly get to breathe. I admire when someone decides _not_ to do something.” David smiled at her and then explained the benefits of the baby food one more time and how she could warm it up in case the baby was too stubborn to eat. “The aroma once it’s heated becomes intoxicating to a child and they forget it’s even baby food. It just smells like delicious fruit.”

The customer paid for her items, shook David’s hand, and vowed to return in a few weeks when she would be traveling through town on her business trip to Elm Dale.

Once she was out of the store, David motioned to the back to grab a broom to sweep the cheerios the child scattered while nibbling in random places on the hardwood. Patrick set down his clipboard, turned the sign to ‘closed’, and locked the door.

Feeling the temperature rise in the room from the gesture, David turned slightly and grinned widely waiting for Patrick to turn around. David was starting to get aroused. Finally, they were going to have some fun and in the nick of time too. 

“David, why did you say that?” Patrick inquired in a low, disappointed voice.

Feeling his heart thump and his smile falter a bit, David took a step forward. “What do you mean? Say--”

“To the woman. That stranger. You told her we didn’t want kids? That we wouldn’t want to adopt?” David really felt his heart thud in his chest, this was not the reaction he had expected in the least. "Did you actually mean that or were you just saying that to the stranger?"

“I told you long ago I hate babies,” David said defensively.

“Yes, so you've said, but I thought you said we could come back to discussion, I didn't know that- that the door was closed on the matter." David was at a loss for words and just wanted to get down and dirty in the break-room. The Universe apparently had other plans. David tensed. "David, what if I want babies? I- I meant, what if I want kids.... with you?”  
  
Normally a sentiment like that would make David swoon, but his heart felt nothing. “You want to have kids with me? But I thought you knew I didn’t want kids and accepted that.” This conversation had become decidedly unfair.   
  


Patrick rubbed his hands over his face, closed his eyes, and shook his head back and forth. Disbelief running across his beautiful face. “ _You_ , David, all of this is about _you_. That’s the thing is that you never consult with me. You never asked if I wanted kids or not, you just assumed because you didn’t, we couldn’t have the conversation.”

“Patrick, if you want to have the conversation about having kids, we can still have it. I was just, I don't know, like you said, placating the customer.”

“Well you seemed pretty serious about the decision to me. But that’s okay, we can just be ‘uncles’ to your sister’s kids one day,” he said in a much more biting tone.

“Where is this coming from Patrick?” David’s face had fallen into a pure of look of disgust.

“Where this is coming from David is that you’re making decisions without me; for the wedding, for our future. You’re not considering me in any of it.” He folded his arms into himself, sighed heavily, and looked down, pondering in thought. "I want to make decisions together because that is what a marriage is. That is what a _partnership_ is. But lately I feel or have felt that this is more of a dictatorship."  
  
David inhaled sharply. "A- a dictatorship? You really think this....that I-"  
  
“Here is what we are going to do, David," Patrick said when he slammed a fist into the desk. "I need some time with this. I need to think this over.”

David swallowed thickly. “What does that mean?” The pain in David’s heart was growing exponentially.

“It means I need to give myself some space. I’ll take off for the rest of the day. It seems like we could both use a break from each other so I will go for a jog or a hike and just clear my head.”

“This ‘break’, it’s not a--a br--” David couldn't even say the words.

“No, David, we aren’t breaking up. I just need to have some space from this and give you space too. I’ll see you tonight.” Patrick hadn’t said the words, but it felt like a breakup. When he grabbed his tea tumbler and car keys, he didn’t give David a kiss on the cheek nor a hub goodbye. That was a first. Ever since the day after David’s birthday and their first kiss, every day they spent at Rose Apothecary, Patrick kissed David or touched him in some way when they arrived and departed from the store.  
  


Something had shifted.   
  


That night, once Patrick got home, David was already asleep. He had popped a Benadryl to knock himself out as he decidedly did not want to see the look of anguish on Patrick’s face. David had no idea how he could fix the mess, and it seemed like they were headed for an even bigger storm.  
  


* * *

The next day, Patrick had woken up at five am, taken a jog, and showered long before his alarm would go off. Patrick grabbed his pre-made lunch from the ice box and headed for the door. He hesitated and rocked back on his heels a few times before returning to his rumple-haired fiancé’ to plant a kiss on his cheek. David may have felt it, but he never stirred, still knocked out from the Benadryl.

“Bye my love,” he whispered into his dark hair where he placed another kiss. “See you in a few hours.” A few moments later Patrick was gone and headed to their store.

**  
One hour later...**

A few texts came through on David’s phone and the last one finally woke him up. As he checked the notifications on the screen, Patrick had called him, but his phone was on silent and only the texts were set to vibrate.

(9:15am) Patrick: **David, I need you to come to the store.**

(9:25am) Patrick: **As soon as you wake up, come here, I will have breakfast waiting for you.**

(9:28am) Patrick: **Just come as quickly as you can.**

Groaning, wondering what on Earth had gone wrong this time at the store, David swung his legs over and planted his feet to the floor. He shot a quick text back at Patrick.

(9:32am) David: **I'll be there in 30.**

Skipping most of his morning routine, David washed his face pondering if it was the toilet leaking again or maybe some teens had stolen more product and they needed to come up with a better security system. Moreover, David was fairly calm and felt bold, so he decided on his black sweater with the white bursts on each shoulder, black ripped skinny jeans, and white high-top Rick Owens.

Minutes later, David arrived at the store and it looked like normal, but as soon as he opened the door, he felt a cold chill. Something was up. _Again_. Great.  
  
It wasn’t time to open yet and David hadn’t eaten, so he locked the door behind him.

Patrick wasn't in the main part of the sales floor, so he guessed he must be in the back. “David, can you come back here, please?” There went the thudding in his chest again. He saw the sack with his breakfast in it and the coffee next to it and brought it back to the office, but the defeated sound of Patrick's voice made his heart fall to his feet.

“Hey,” David said, hearing how unsure he was. He felt so pathetic.

“Hi.” Patrick stood to hug David and it was a hesitant thing. It was obvious it pained Patrick to embrace him and by the look of Patrick’s red-rimmed eyes, he looked like he needed the comfort badly. “Please. David, eat.”

“I don’t, uhm…. This seems serious.”

Patrick waited a beat. “It’s serious, but you haven’t eaten, so at least take a few bites and drink some coffee.”

Just the sight of Patrick like that, unraveled, brought tears to the corners of David’s eyes. He couldn’t imagine what it was that rattled him so badly.

Scarfing down the egg sandwich and taking a few sips of coffee, Patrick finally began explaining, pulling out an envelope and taking papers out of it.

“David,” Patrick started delicately, but in a stern voice, “I need you to explain to me this letter.”

Carefully taking the small stack of papers from Patrick, he knew in an instant what it was. “Oh, Patrick, _no_.” David rushed his words defensively and tried to gain ground.  
  
“No, David, I want you to tell me what that is.” There it was again, that sad and stern voice from the previous day's fight.

“It was months ago, I don’t even know why I did it, but I thought we might be able to open a store in New York and so I put an inquiry in, but it was a few months ago. I didn’t even know if I would get a response, but apparently, I did. Sorry, I should have told you. I honestly didn't mean to keep it from you.”  
  
Patrick nodded his head while looking straight into David's eyes. “ **Nine**.”

David looked at him quizzically. “Nine? Nine what?”

“Nine times you said the word ‘I’ in that statement. _Nine_ times, David. You’re never going to include me in the decision making, are you?”

“Patrick, I didn’t mean--” The words caught in David's throat.

“No. Of course you didn’t." Patrick shoved at the table in front of him. "No one ever means to hurt someone; people can have the best intentions and still do harm.” Patrick looked up and folded his arms at his chest. David was dumbstruck at the whole situation.

Having felt like he was being cornered, the defensive side to David took over. He was boiling over. “Patrick. _Patrick_ , I was thinking about us, okay? I was trying to see if we could move out of this dumpster-fire of a town for once and move to a place where we could make a decent living and sell our products on 5th Avenue or in Times Square. Maybe we could get a small Manhattan home and I could show you all of my old hangouts. That was my intention. I was going to tell you about it.”

“When? When were you going to tell me? Once you put a deposit down on the place? Or, was it sooner, when you started to look for places to live?”

An even bigger lump formed in David's throat and he could feel his face flush. Tears hot on his cheeks. “Oh god.”

“Yeah, this came too. You were looking into one-bedroom apartments in Manhattan.” Patrick flung the mail at David, too disgusted to hold onto it any longer. 

“Yes, I was. You're not wrong, but-” David said in his low, small voice. He felt defeated. There wasn’t much more to say, but the words wouldn't come.  
  
  
Taking a long, deep breath, Patrick sat down, exhaled, and rubbed his own thighs over and over with his shaking hands. The room was spinning with a hot, red, rage and Patrick was simmering.  
  
He took another deep breath and then another. Patrick always did this when he needed for his words to be spoken calmly and directly. 

“So that conversation we would have had about starting a family, you didn’t even think to include any possible two-bedroom apartments because you thought one room was enough.” it wasn't a question, he knew the answer. 

“Patrick, I need you to understand!” Tears streamed from David’s eyes and he could feel Patrick slipping away when all he wanted to do was dive into his arms. “I love you; I wasn’t meaning to leave you out, I promise! This is all new to me, planning a future with someone. A wedding. And this was just- just a starter apartment.”

There was no rise in the volume to Patrick's voice which made David feel even more uneasy. “I understand, David. This is new to me too, but you were planning a wedding without me in mind, you were planning a future without asking me what I wanted, and you wanted us to leave Schitt’s Creek because as you lovingly put it, it’s a ‘dumpster-fire.’”

David winced at his own words parroted back to him. His heart sunk. "I'm sorry Patrick, I never should have said that."

“But, you believe what you said, right? You think this town is..." Patrick's voice hitched a little. "David, I fell in love with you in Schitt’s Creek, this place is our home, and you calling it that, that’s taking our first kiss at the motel and painting it black. Taking our first date at Cafe Tropical and saying it wasn’t good enough. With you making all of these decisions without me, you’re saying, really, that I’m not good enough. What we have isn’t good enough.”

“No, Patrick, I never said that.” Couldn't they just wrap themselves into one another, kiss, have make-up sex again? Just call it a day? How did a beautiful cleansing morning become so chaotic?

“You didn’t have to.” Patrick’s voice kept cracking as he spoke, the tears kept rolling down his cheeks. "All I wanted was to have a talk with you about our future. I would probably have been fine with talking with you about not having kids if you just kept me in the conversation, because I love our life. Just how it is. I do. But you just cutting it all off without even talking about is...is unacceptable." 

David couldn't even look him in the eyes. It was too much, so what he said next was spoken under his breath, but loud enough for Patrick to hear. “Is this...are you doing this to me like you had done to Rachel? Is this cold toes or something?”

Oh god, why would he ask that question now?

“No, David. This isn’t cold _feet_. I’m...I am romantically attracted to you. I just..." Patrick can't say the words, he just can't and yet, " I just can’t see us getting married anymore.”

There it was. The final blow.

David reached his hands out to Patrick, but Patrick hissed and retracted his hands from his grasp. The love was gone, out like a flame. Or so it seemed. David had seen that look before from his other previous paramours.

“Patrick….” the name echoing in his head, over and over like a gong, like it was a ticking clock. How much longer would he say the name ‘Patrick.’ He was slipping away from David and the feeling was as if he was falling down a great pit and the words he spoke were far off and cloudy. Far away and getting lost in the void.   
  
“ _Please...._ ” David pleaded. " _Don't."_  
  
David knew immediately they’d reached a point of no return. David didn’t know what to do next so he fell to the floor and flung himself to Patrick’s legs, wrapping his arms tightly around them. Keeping Patrick from leaving. _Never let me go, Patrick. Please._

It wasn’t much of a gesture, but Patrick did place his hands on David’s shoulders, not rubbing them, just lightly there, in a kind-of lifeless position. It only made David hold on tighter, willing for Patrick to hold him, touch him more, feel something other than pity.

“What does this mean? That this is….,” David didn't want to say it. He couldn't believe this was how it all would end with Patrick Brewer. Like the seconds were ticking by on their expiration date, which was today. _Tick. Tick.  
  
_ David exhaled a sob and hugged Patrick’s knees even tighter, hoping for more comfort from Patrick. Anything. His sweet and loving Patrick. “What if I can prove to you that I can be better?” He didn’t want to ask. He was afraid to ask, but he had to know.

“David, I wanted to build a life with you. In fact, I still do, but I want for us to do it together. I want you to think of me as a life-mate and not just...well not just as a husband who cuddles with you and writes the checks.”

_Ouch._

“Wow, that was like a dagger to the chest.” David said on an exhale. It came out teasing, but the heaviness was all around him. "Please, Patrick. Please don't leave me." Yes, the heaviness was palpable.

Patrick was also breaking into a thousand pieces. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, David.” Patrick got down to the ground with David and took him into his arms. That broke the dam in both of them. They cried together in long, drawn out sobs.

“Patrick," he pleaded. "I don’t see you like that, you need to know. I don’t. I--” It was shocking to hear the quiver in his own voice. A sound he never thought he'd make in Patrick's arms, especially when they were planning a wedding, a lovely event in their lives to celebrate their love. The desperation had risen in David's tone, the gravel in his voice from crying too hard. “I want to marry you, Patrick. I love you. Please, give me a chance to prove I can be better.”

Stroking his back now, Patrick was touching David the way he needed to be, but it was all wrong. David had been selfish for weeks in various ways and his actions were finally catching up to him.

Patrick reached up to the desk and pulled the tissue box down so they could wipe their eyes properly. David suddenly had a flash of their wedding, or what could have been their wedding where they were wiping away each other’s tears and embracing in a tight hug. They were doing that now, wiping each other’s sorrow away, but something was ending. Were they ending? It felt like a death.

“David, I think it’s best for you to move back to the Rosebudd and we both need to take some time to think. We can come up with a plan to run the store, but we need three weeks at least to be apart and think about what we want.”

 _What we want.  
_  
"So this plan, it sounds like you have already given this some thought before I even got here."  
  
"That's correct," Patrick replied hesitantly, but truthfully. He would never lie to David. _  
_

Suddenly Patrick didn’t know if he wanted David and that was a feeling worse than the idea of having to choose Gerber daises or Ode To Joy. It was worse because suddenly he was facing the possibility of a life of being single again. Without waking up next to Patrick. Without ever feeling unconditional love. Except now the love of his life was seeing conditions and David was surprised it had taken Patrick this long.

_Oh god._

David took a breath. “If all of this hadn’t happened and I hadn't made so many mistakes here, would you still want me?”

“Of course, David. That was never an issue. I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you. It was never not you.” _Tick. Tick._

David choked out a few sobs at the declaration and then pressed for more. “So, the only reason you have doubts is because of what I have done.” It came out more of a statement than a question. Patrick was still crying and it all felt so unbearable. David just wanted to fix them. 

“Listen, David, I want you to understand something. There is a reason why people have engagements. It is a promise of a marriage, but it is also a trial period to see if you and the other person are compatible in your choices. If you can sustain in a marriage. If at any time during the engagement things aren’t working, it is much better to know that ahead of time than to be married and find that out then. Maybe we are finding out ahead of time that this just- that this just doesn’t work, and that’s okay.” Patrick always believed bad news needed to be ripped off like a band-aid. Despite the very logical explanation, David knew how much Patrick had compromised to much of who he was in their relationship for the crazy idea of loving David so damn much. 

Hanging his head low and still unable to look at Patrick, David replied in a voice fully wrecked in emotion. “What if it’s just me? What if I am the thing that doesn’t work?” 

Patrick squeezed David tighter and breathed into his neck. “David, you will always be enough. You are worth every precious gemstone, every star in the sky. You’re a rare diamond. And who knows, at the end of these next three weeks or longer, we may have a fresh perspective and be able to still have a wedding.”

“And what if...what if we don’t?” David kept wanting to bite his tongue and not say anything, but he couldn’t help it.

“Then, you’ll be a great husband to someone you’re more suited for. Someone even better than me.” _Boom._  
  
At that, David sobbed even harder and gripped Patrick's shoulders. If it were possible to cry harder, David was definitely doing it. Imagining being married to someone other than Patrick Brewer was unthinkable. He moved fluidly back and looked into Patrick’s honey-brown, watery eyes. He grabbed Patrick’s shoulders tightly, so tightly, as if it was the only way he could stay there with him.

“No, Patrick. No one will ever be better than you. Do you hear me? You’re everything.”  
  
Patrick smiled at David and kissed him. One long, lingering, emotional kiss. Pouring everything he had into it. David wanted to stay in that kiss and live there, forever, but Patrick pulled back and then helped David to get up. Wiping away David’s eyes, kissing the spots the tears hit on David's cheek. Patrick leaned in one last time and kissed David on his lips, and then again on the corner of his mouth, right where a tear was still lingering. A few moments later, Patrick was gone.   
  


He was unsure how much time had passed, and he knew it had been a while. David was sitting in the back on their couch where many a memory had been made. All of the times Patrick surprised him with pizza or his favorite Banana Cream cheesecake. Or the times on their monthiversaries where David wore practically nothing on their couch, lit some candles, and let Patrick have his way with him. Except this time, _this time_ he was staring at the place on the floor where it all fell apart and he had the taste of an egg sandwich in his mouth, lingering too much and becoming uncomfortable. The store was still not open and that was fine with David. He wanted to close the store for the day and head home, but he knew Patrick wouldn’t allow it.

Patrick had left David to have some time to himself and regroup and it was in the realization that he may live the rest of his life alone, without Patrick, that he began to pour in tears again. So many tear-filled tissues already lay in his hands. It took him forever to find Patrick, what if no one else was like him? What if this was his one and only life partner and he was tossing it away? What if no one else could see him for exactly who he was, whatever that was?

Minutes, hours, days later it seemed, and the bell to the front door chimed. David knew it was his cue to get up. He wished, though, that he had left before Patrick returned. Gathering himself up, he turned to the small vanity to check himself out and it wasn’t pretty.

_Fuck._

David also cursed at himself, “Well that settles it, I am burning this outfit now.” He hadn’t realized it at first, but it was the exact same outfit he’d worn to the barbecue at the last instance he thought he lost Patrick. He and Patrick were undone. This time he knew it was for good and it was his own undoing.

Gargling with mouthwash, he spit, and washed his trembling hands.

He heard the slow swish of the curtain and saw Patrick emerge from the front. He didn’t look much better. Normally it would be a gift to David’s soul to see someone who hurt him in anguish, but all David wanted to do was throw his arms around Patrick and makes his every fear disappear.

“Patrick…”

“Yes, David?”

“Will you please, uhm. Could you-” His voice was breaking again and he just shook his head, unable to let the words come out. His arms weren’t wrapped around himself, he tried like hell to remain open.

Patrick knew immediately what he wanted, of course he did. Patrick took the few steps to David and wrapped his arms around his waist. David wrapped his own around Patrick’s neck like he’d done thousands of times before. They both sighed into each other. It was both healing and tragic at the same time.

David broke the embrace, not wanting to make it awkward. “I’ll, uhm, I’ll go get my things from the apartment and move some of it today, I don’t have everything moved over to your apartment completely yet, so maybe it will only take me a few trips.”

“David…”   
  
David really wanted to go to him, David could tell Patrick wanted that too. Desperately. Instead, David shook his head and looked down. Patrick's hands were shoved deep into his pockets.  
  
“Okay, Daivd. I’ll just, uhh- I'll stay here and take care of the store.”  
  
 _Please don't go. Stay forever. I didn't mean it. Any of it. I just want you.  
  
_

“When I’m done getting my things moved, I’ll just set the key on your table next to the door.”

“David, you don’t need to leave the key.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s all part of it. I’ll be fine Patrick.” It was a lie, but it felt good to tell himself that. Maybe one day he would believe it.

David was out the door and kept himself from turning back to look in Patrick’s direction. Whether Patrick cried at the loss of David or he held himself strong to his decision, David didn't want to know. He walked the short distance to the motel to ask Stevie to borrow her car. Without many words, Stevie embraced David and held him as long as he wanted. David had always been thankful for his friend who knew exactly what to do and when to do it. That was Stevie and he loved her dearly.

Both David and Stevie grabbed everything of his in one trip from Patrick’s and David left the key just as he promised. Not a word was uttered between them. They were both beyond words for what this was.

There was no way to describe the feeling of loss David was experiencing, but he knew one thing, he was going to do what it took to win Patrick back. The only way to win his fiancé’ back was to find himself first, however he was meant to go about it.

* * *

**  
_Week one._ **

Rose Apothecary became a place David decided to steer clear of. Patrick texted David in very minimal amounts to let him know things at the store were going as good as could be expected and for David to let him know before he decided to come back in shifts. David wasn’t ready to face it, to see the office where it all fell apart. He felt remorse that Patrick had to be there each day, but someone had to man the store. The stronger of the two, David believed, was Patrick.

Some of the mail addressed to David and Rose Apothecary had been dropped off at the motel, probably by Patrick wanting to avoid David, which was understandable. Letters from the owners with the deed in New York had piled up, apparently, they were very interested in meeting David in person to discuss the idea of branching out to their location.

Crumpling the letters into balls in his fists, he cursed the day he requested the information. But since he had already made his bed, he decided to lie in it.

He unfolded the letters and smoothed them out. David took a deep breath and called the number.

* * *

Moira and Johnny were informed by Stevie that David was taking a weekend trip, he would return, and not to worry. He had to separate himself from the Rosebudd and Schitt's Creek for a few days, it was far too depressing to build up a beautiful relationship just to bring him back to squalor. The town and everything in it had special meaning for David's relationship with Patrick.

Before he left, David shot a quick text to Patrick.

David: **Headed out of town. I’ll have my phone if anything goes awry at RA and you need to reach me.**

It was a relief to see the three conversation bubbles pop up.

Patrick: **O** **kay, David. Please be safe.**

David took the family car and began his nine-hour journey to Manhattan. It would be a long drive, but David had always done his best thinking behind the wheel, and he had mountains and miles of thinking to do.

* * *

The meeting with the investors for a potential lease went amazingly, only David wished Patrick had been there to help negotiate. He was so thorough in every business dealing for Rose Apothecary. David had so much to lose if he indeed lost Patrick and it was still an unthinkable notion.

He wrapped up their appointment in saying he would be in touch and the investors gave him plenty of time to make decisions, but they ultimately wanted for he and Patrick to start a franchise on 5th Avenue. If it all worked out and Patrick was onboard in any capacity, it would be life-changing income in an absolute dream of a location.

The hustle and bustle of tourists and New Yorkers made David feel at home again; he loved the look and feel of pedestrian chaos on the streets. People yelling orders and the chatter of commuters on their phones was his happy place, but he wasn’t truly happy, not without Patrick.

David sat down at one of the open tables in Culture Espresso which had the look and feel of Rose Apothecary with its clean lines and sand-stone, monochrome themes. Just being there made him want to text Patrick and show him the breathtaking coffee shop, but once he got his phone out, he quickly stopped himself from sending the text. Another realization hit him hard, not one theme or design of Rose Apothecary was Patrick. It was all David’s and although David was always meant to be the one to carry the torch as far as aesthetic and merchandise placement goes, he felt empty inside. It should always have been both of them, they were business partners. Perhaps for the longest time, David had been feeling that Patrick was around just to write the checks. Because it was all David ever saw. It was another reminder of how much David wanted everything his way, always. All of his life he had been so selfish and here he was falling back on his old ways.  
  
David shuddered thinking of how Patrick had said those words and it had been somewhat true. Patrick was so much more than that.

When the barista came over to ask if David needed anything. he noticed she was holding the newspaper. David hadn’t bothered to read a newspaper in ages, but she was holding The New York Times. He was in New York so he thought, ‘When in Rome.’

“May I have that or may I at least look at it? The New York Times in your hand?”

“Oh! Of course, here. You can have it. By the way, if you turn to page six, there are some really great properties for sale. In case you’re looking.” She was kind and looked like a Broadway showgirl just trying to make it. He slipped her a ten-dollar tip.

David thumbed through the Times and let his eyes fall on the many apartments for sale in the area. Some of which were the ones he had inquired about weeks ago. For property to stay on the market for several weeks in Manhattan was unheard of, so he knew instantly there was something wrong with those apartments. Perhaps a bitch of a landlord.

Using the wood pen from RA he had, he was circling the houses, duplexes, and apartments in the area he was interested in. With each stroke of the pen, something ached within his heart. That’s when he saw it and he dropped his pen and nearly his coffee to the table.

David stood and took that one part of the Times with him out the door and on to the increasingly busy streets.

____________

The GPS showed it would be 45 minutes out of town and with every mile marker, his heart skipped a beat. He took the winding roads which were a reminder of his childhood with his friends. David could remember a time when he actually liked physical activity and exertion which didn’t include afternoon delights. He was getting closer. To what, he didn’t know. Why he wanted to look at the property, he had no idea, but there was an Open House scheduled until dusk and he would be there.

____________

Perhaps it was the hedges that rose to great heights or the extra secure steel and concrete gate with enhanced technology that made him feel small, but as soon as he got there, every cell of his being wanted him to turn around.

Since there were very few cars in the driveway, David pulled all the way up, almost to the door, but parked next to the fountain.

The estate was astonishing and the sunlight reflected off the outer walls handsomely. It was quiet, almost too quiet, but he could hear the voices of people echoing around in a charming way. The sigh he had been holding in finally escaped and his shoulders relaxed. David carried himself the few feet to reach the steps and he could hear it. All over again, he could still hear it, echoing louder than the calming voices in the approaching foyer.

_Swift clicking of shoes, shuffling of papers, clanging of jewelry, furniture sliding against the hardwood in a distressing and unnerving way. Visions of paintings and tapestries carted through the doors and people in blue jackets._

David heard his own footsteps as they hit the Italian imported tile, then an echo in his head of a blood-curdling scream.

_"I’ve been gutted. John, I’ve been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life!"_

Another step.

_"Well how do you think I feel, Moira? Eli was family, for God’s sake."_

Two more hesitant steps.

_"They’re taking our stuff. I said they’re taking our stuff!"_

One more step. He could do it.

_"Please sir, will you step aside?"_

_"No, you step aside. You step aside! I’m still trying to wrap my mind around what kind of a sick person wants to get paid to destroy another person’s life. Destroy another person’s life!! "_

He could feel the color draining from his head down to his feet and he was undeniably shaking. It had been seven years and David felt strongly he shouldn’t be there. It felt like a nightmare. Why was David Rose standing there torturing himself?

A man was captivated in the long foyer by an unsteady David as he climbed the stairs into the house.

“Good afternoon, young man, my, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  
  
"I _feel_ like I've seen a ghost," David replied slowly.

With no real understanding of why he was creeping slowly through the decorated foyer, David, in an exhausted and heavy tone replied, “I used to live here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just hang in there. We will try to fix this thing. 
> 
> Music and Lyrics from Miranda Lambert's [ "House that built me."](https://binged.it/2sSKcqR)
> 
> Please, let me know what you thought! I love comments and knowing what you liked best! Or maybe in this case, least, since there was a lot of angst.


End file.
